Well, We have starting our photography business and already we have people booked for easter pics and video sessions. I spoke with the boys mom who called the day before for about and hour or more she told me her life story and it made me wanna cry. She has never had anyone..... but she is still saying she wants the boys with us and I am happy with that...... talking to her pulled up some feelings of hopelessness from my past. Normally I would have allowed those feelings to drown me but I refused for once to be taken back to that part of my life because I have survived it and I am doing well in life. I mean it's something I struggle with on a everyday basis and to give into it now would be my doom. it took me and is taking me years to keep myself together. So I have to constantly remind myself that I am not who I use to be. I am safe and I am loved..... I mean I literally have to say those exact words to myself every night before I close my eyes. Some days are better than others where I dont think about it at all then.... there are those dark dark days when something triggers me off for no reason it seems I smell something someone says something and I dont want to get out of bed i dont want to face the world and everything seems so bleak. Luckily now majority of my days are filled with sunshine and the laughter of my kids. Who no matter what I have to keep going for :) they make me see so much beauty so much joy in their everyday antics and for that I am very thankful. Someone told me when I was about 12 years old "God has a plan for you, Be strong" and when she told me this I was mad. I was going through so much in my young life i said wow is this all you can say is this what is supposed to keep me going.... but now I see that she was right.... he does have a plan or else i wouldnt have made it this far............